What if I had skinny genes—not blue jeans but the kind of genes you’re born with?  What would it be like to be naturally thin?  What if I were slender and willowy, the way tall women like me are supposed to be?  What if I were like my mom, who always had low blood pressure and lost weight when she was stressed?  What if I had a fast metabolism so I couldn’t bear to sit still and could eat anything I wanted and never gain an ounce?

I can barely imagine what my life would have been like, but it’s like daydreaming about heaven.

But never mind how much more delightful my love life would have been, or how much more enthusiastically I would have been hired for whatever jobs I wanted, or how much better I would have looked in my clothes; never mind that I might even have been able to find clothes.  Never mind the admiration, the envy even!  Why, I might be looking down my nose this minute at some hapless endomorph, reminding her that with a little self-discipline she could be thin and worthy like me!  I could instruct her just to eat less and exercise more, and maybe I could educate her about “healthful” foods, since the poor thing might never have watched TV or read a magazine or seen any advertising.

No, forget all those aspects of slimness, alluring as they are to think about.  I’m talking purely of time management.

I would have been liberated from my biggest, most time-consuming obligation next to job and family, one that dominated my entire life, using up my intellect and ingenuity before I had a chance to work on anything else.  Every time I made a new life plan to solve all my problems and do better at everything, there it was at the top of the list: LOSE WEIGHT.  What if there hadn’t been diets to plan, books about dieting to read, exercise programs to plan, books about exercise programs to read, gym memberships and health club memberships and athletic shoes to buy, aerobic and isometric exercises to learn, weights to lift, treadmills to walk and stationary bicycles to ride, chair dancing and yoga videos to watch, points and calories to keep track of, resolutions to compose and food diaries to write in?

I needed to make Item One  work before I could make anything else work, or so I thought.  If I had ever succeeded, I would have gone on to Item Two of each new life plan, Build My Dream Career, and Item Three, Keep My House Presentable at All Times.  But alas, I never got that far.

I didn’t have a choice about what genes I got.  But if I had it to do over, knowing what I know now, I’d definitely have a different Item One.

(First published in 2012 Oasis Journal)